Sheryl Crow Fights Global Warming With a Dirty Ass

April 23rd, 2007

Sheryl Crow is currently on a college tour to support global warming. She is speaking out on some ideas she has to help out the world. One of those amazing ideas is that she feels Americans use too much toilet paper when wiping there ass. She thinks that we should limit the number of toilet paper we use down to one square per squat, so we can save more trees. However she did say there may be the odd time that we are allowed to use 2 - 3 squares for those nasty times after some mexican food.

“I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming. Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of conserving trees which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don’t want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.”

I don’t know about you guys but after a night of drinking no-name draft beer at the local shit-hole pub, produces some messy hang-over morning dumps!

After two or three of these re-occurring episodes of sharp painful intestinal cramps accompanied by grunts and moans that your girlfriend can her over the barely working bathroom fan all before the clock even strikes noon; calls for more than a few squares just to clean up the blood, never mind the splattered shit all over the place.

But I agree, on any given normal day,
we could probably tone it down a bit.

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